‘Banksying’ is Leaving People Blindsided and Heartbroken: Know this Latest Toxic Dating Trend

Just when you thought modern dating couldn’t get any messier, along comes a trend that leaves people confused and blindsided. If you decide to be a recluse after this, we get that. Say hello to “Banksying,” the latest toxic move in the ever-growing list of bad dating behavior that single people need to be wary of. It’s confusing, cold, and just like the art world’s favorite elusive genius, it leaves you staring at what just happened, wondering if it was “art” you just don’t get.  

The term “Banksying “borrows its name from the famously mysterious street artist Banksy, known for creating beautiful, thought-provoking pieces with a twist.   

In the world of dating, “Banksying” happens when you’re in a relationship with someone and they slowly withdraw from you without telling you anything, according to USA Today. When the inevitable end of the relationship happens, the “Banksy-er” has already moved on, checking out of the relationship even before the breakup, leaving their partner blindsided. It’s the opposite of ghosting where they abruptly leave you hanging. “Banksying” is slower, yet still cruel.  

This toxic trend also got its name because the “Banksy-er” often starts to destroy the relationship without the other party knowing, getting the idea from some of Banksy’s art that self-destructs.  

Amy Chan, a dating coach and author explains that “people have developed poor dating etiquette”, especially with the “proliferation of dating apps.” Chan said, “The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance.”  

Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert, added, “’Banksying’ is something that we have all experienced at one point or another.” She further explained that anyone who experienced “banksying” had already experienced that “subtle feeling of dread,” especially when they felt their partner pulling away from them. Hathorn also said that “banksy-ers” have also been defined as “emotionally manipulative” and “emotionally distant.”  

Getting “Banksied” sucks. It’s confusing, heartbreaking, and feels like you want to give up dating. But don’t let one negative experience ruin your chances of finding love. Don’t settle for ambiguity, which is what Chan says makes “Banksying” painful. She advised, “Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”